>>> struggling with our partner

Sometimes we feel lonely or bored even though we're in a couple. Sometimes the only time we get excitement in our couple is when we have arguments. Studies show that improving the way we communicate at home is the door to bringing ease into all the elements of our relationship. We can help you develop really simply ground rules and communication tools to improve the way you show up for one another in your relationship.

>>> behaviors that “control us”

In shrink terms these are called compulsions, sometimes addictions. Most of the time we happen on these behaviors in difficult times then discover they make us feel better. So we do them again. And again. And again. Our brain literally changes so that just thinking about them  releases some pretty juicy chemistry in our body. But these are not sustainable behaviors long-term. Learning to live without them takes a simple strategy of practicing other healthier repetitive behaviors supported by counseling. It usually means identifying a team of folks who we can turn to - including a psychotherapist. It is tough but rewarding work.

>>> feeling different/like an outsider

Some of us wondered if we were adopted when we were little - we felt like we didn't fit in, like we were from Mars. Some of us feel different for reasons of skin color, gender, ethnicity, sexuality. body shape - some of us feel different without being able to pinpoint one thing. At times this difference can be a strength but it can also sap our morale, cause anxiety, depression, even make it hard to take decisions in our lives.

Some of the questions or themes that may come up around this:
- Where does this feeling come from?
- Real, imagined, both? Can I increase or lessen it? Which circumstances do that?
- What strategies can I put in place to make it less prominent?
- How well are they working?

>>> loss/major life transitions

A death in our circle, the loss of a job, a marriage or a partner, shakes our world in a very peculiar way. Suddenly we are having an intimate relationship with a phenomenon that most humans aren't really interested in thinking about much. We just don't make for good light conversation. Grief can make us confused, paralyzed, depressed and most of all exhausted. Learning to be at peace with loss is a slow gentle period of our life, one that is fertile for growth.

- How do I let go and how do I cling to the past?
- What simple self-care strategies can I adopt to take care of me?
- Who do I keep in my close circle and who do I steer clear of for now?
- How do I possibly imagine a future life without the deceased?

>>> finding meaning
 
Many of us get to a point where we have made our mark in our clan and we wonder if that’s all there is. We feel pulled toward something bigger but we’re not exactly sure what it is. Money, clout, material things no longer have the same attraction they once did. Our values start shifting but to what? We don’t have to be in our fifties to experience this of course.

Some of the central questions:
- What will I leave behind me when I go?
- What is my higher calling? What is really niggling at my heart?
- How can I get from here to there without betraying everything til now?
- Who are my allies on this rather solitary path?

>>> illness / disability

When I see how fragile my skin is compared to, say, a car passing at 90 MPH I wonder at times how we make it to old age! And yet many of us do - but our bodies don't always do what we want them to do and that can cause us lots of pain, physical and psychic. A new diagnosis can feel like an elephant barreling into our living room. As someone who's been living with a disability most of my life, I know how this can undermine our sense of self.

A few of the elements we may work on are:
- The feelings -- particularly the less welcome ones -- that come up
- The things we tell ourselves about our illness/disability.
- How does it affect my relationships?
- What is in my power to change and what isn't?